list of things

Pornos starring the End Twins

End 2 End The Ends in Sight The Ends Jus­tify the Means (co-​starring the Mean Twins) In the Deep Ends Ends of the Line 4-Hour Gang­bang Blowout! The Happy End­ings Rear Ended! End 2 End 2 Endgames This End Up End Over End The Busi­ness Ends The Ends of Days: Deep Impact The Never End­ings Stor­gasm Tail Ends Ends in Tears

Pink Floyd albums and the lesser-known movie syncs

Wish You Were Here – Sleep­less In Seat­tle Ani­mals – Charlotte’s Web Meddle – Pee Wee’s Big Adven­ture The Divi­sion Bell – The Hunch­back Of Norte Dame A Saucer Full Of Secrets – Plan 9 From Outer Space The Dark Side Of The Moon – Warren Miller’s Steep And Deep

What I have learned from watching music channels on TV

1. Your song must feature Akon 2. Any genre of rock not played on VH1 is now ‘indie’ rock 3. Using a vocoder for every song when you are a singer is apparently fine. 4. You are allowed to let your fea­tured rap­pers do all of the rap­ping in your song while you just ‘bounce’ (see DJ Khaled). 5. [...]

Genres that make more sense than Indie Pop

Melodic Death String Quar­tet Techno Jazz Twee Blues Extreme Power Ambi­ent Chris­t­ian Doom Metal Acoustic Trance Rap Ska Any­thing under water Dogs bark­ing The sound of knuck­les crack­ing Pretty much any other noise Indie Rock

More Names for Indie Bands, with Emphasis on the New Hotness: Sentence-Based Names

That will be $3.67, sir. Woodrow Wilson became enraged at the sight of it all. We’ve seen the future, and it involves our best sand­cas­tles. Tuesday’s winter storm killed my neighbor’s cousin. We don’t actu­ally love Boris Yeltsin. We were just saying that some­one out there does. Our band name is 34 syl­la­bles and is impos­si­ble to bring [...]

Cats that T.S. Elliot didn’t have time to elaborate on

Tum­ble­Tukus Ran­cy­dal­ity Bluebeshoob Ale­bas­tor Franklin, the Cyborg Cat Eye­patch Steven Seagal Thom­burt Young Leviti­cus Clutso, the clown cat The one with the foamy mouth Umaga

Names for Indie Bands

The Ninth Finger of Linus Woodrow Wilson’s Sun­glasses On Stage Play­ing Music For You 2 Tight Scarves Sand for Break­fast The Paper­cuts Fea­tur­ing Janet Shun the Giraffes Our Lives for Our Pants @8 The World Famous Com­er­cialoids Led Zeppelin

Phrases that may or may not have appeared on a particular church marquee I pass on the way to my parent’s house

We’re not Dairy Queen, but our Sun­days are great!* Go Sox! The most breath-​taking, heart-​pounding, jaw-​droppingly awe­some book of the season? The Bible! Open House this Sunday, All Wel­come, Free Wine Hell is the dark­room where Satan devel­ops your neg­a­tive*1 Weather Report for Sunday: Party cloudy with a 100% chance of being saved* Found: Set of keys to unlock [...]

A Wrestling Move List

Hot Lunch 3 Hour Delay Atomic Big Toe Jab Spin­ning Chest Back-2-Back Down Under Slam Los Verde Gatos Rest­less Leg Syn­drome Takin’ out the trash, you! RTY9 Spin­ning Chest Back-2-Back Down Under Slam (Inverted)