“One of you jerks is going to rat on me,” said Jesus. Commotion sprang out between those gathered. “No, man! Jesus, you be trippin’,” Peter responded. “You best be stopping that wine sipping if you know what’s good for you.” “I’m serious,” Jesus said. He continued, “Who wants this piece of bread I just dipped in something? Judas?” [...]
Jesus’s head cracked on the cement floor. “Enjoy your stay, ha ha,” the guard said as he slammed the heavy cell door shut. It wouldn’t be sunrise for several hours. The ice cold floor did little to keep down the swelling. “Got a smoke?” The question crackled from the darkness. Damn, Jesus thought to himself. He had [...]
Ben Franklin became enraged. Jesus had broken through the outlying defenses and was advancing towards the Eiffel Tower. He had one goal in mind: Retrieve the sword Excalibur and return it to it’s rightful owner, but more importantly his high-paying client, Don Mattingly. Franklin called to his henchmen, “Find me my hunting spear, damnit!” Jesus, over the course [...]
“Shit.” Jesus ducked behind a large chunk of the collapsed Temple. “It’s all over, Jesus!” Caiaphas shouted from behind a flamed out VW Bug (the newer model). “I know you’re out of ammo. Just come out and talk to us. It’s OK.” Jesus wasn’t buying it. Nothing was ‘OK’. He lit up another Benson & Hedges. Click, [...]
And Jesus spake upon the people that hath gathered, “Why doeth thou hate the mime so? Doest thou not seeth that he is not intending to doest thou any harm and merely trying lighten our hearts through whimsy during this trying time? Blessed are the mimes, for theirs is also the kingdom of heaven.” At this [...]
And thus Jesus said upon them, “Thouest remember the man named Hammurabi… thou shall doest as he hath said.” Jesus then proceeded to porketh the fine babes that hath gathered around him.
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